


Waves

by shestans



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Could Be Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, Mild Language, Nakedness, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Useless Gays, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21896626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shestans/pseuds/shestans
Summary: Natasha and Maria have a difficult conversation and try to work through some of their issues.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> First I blame you, then I want you. Fucking hate you, then I love you. I can't help myself, no.  
> When I have you, wanna leave you. If you go, that's when I need you. I can't help myself, no.

“Hill, are you fucking kidding me?” Natasha places her hands behind her body and uses her arms and thigh muscles as leverage to push herself up from the ground she’d somehow been shoved onto.

“Get out.” Maria says calmly. She stands there in all of her naked glory on the opposite side of the bed waiting for the redhead to protest.

“It’s 2 in the morning, Hill, and it’s storming. You couldn’t have waited a few more hours before deciding to throw me out like I mean nothing to you?”

Maria’s face reddens, her already cold demeanor turning colder. “That’s not my problem.”

Natasha chuckles in disbelief and starts to dress herself, grabbing clothes strewn across the room and putting them back on her body. She manages to get her shirt on before questioning the brunette again. “What is it with you, Hill? You call me here every night and I never know if you want to fight or fuck. Tonight is seems to be both.”

The brunette doesn’t acknowledge Natasha’s comments. “You’re moving pretty slowly for you to be a super assassin.” She can see the black widow clench her jaw but that doesn't stop her from telling Natasha to leave again. “Out.” Maria points to the door.

“What is it this time? Bucky? Steve? What?”

Maria huffs. “You want to do this now?”

Natasha shrugs her shoulders, never breaking eye contact with Maria.

“Fine.” Maria swallows. “I blame you for Nick's death.”

“For fucks sake, Hill.”

“You should have been here. We needed you here, I needed you here. You didn’t warn us, you didn’t call or text. You left. And because you left and didn’t do your job, Nick died.”

“Since when am I required to check in with you before going on a mission, Maria? This wasn’t something I did because I got scared of my feelings for you and ran away. This was life or death for the entire universe and I don’t understand why that’s so hard for you to comprehend.”

“It’s not about why you left! You’re an avenger, the world needs you, and I get that, but you disappeared, Nat!”

“Are you upset that I left to do my job or because you don’t think I did it well enough?”

Maria groans in frustration and runs a hand through her hair. Her thoughts aren’t formulated and her entire body shakes with anger. She raises her voice, “Neither, Nat. This isn’t what I- What I mean to say is-,”

“What?” Natasha rushes her.

Maria can’t think. Only the black widow could cause Maria Hill to completely lose her composure. Her mind is running, hitting her with thought after thought; all about Natasha Romanoff. Maria can hear her heart pounding in her chest, her ears ringing. She can see how Natasha’s face is now almost the same color as her hair, how Natasha is shaking just as she is. She’s yelling in Russian. Maria can hear the noise but the words aren’t getting through to her, her thoughts drowning out everything around her. “Natasha,” She tries again.

“Spit it out!” Natasha yells.

And so Maria does.

“You chose him!”

Natasha doesn’t respond.

“Steve. You choose him every time. Over Clint, over Nick,” she pauses. “Over me.” This time the black widow looks as if she is going to protest so the agent continues. “We’ve been together since before you joined Shield. I know you, Nat. I know you better than you know yourself. I know what it looks like when you love someone. You look at us both the same way.”

Maria sits back down on her bed and lets out a breath of air she hadn’t realized she was holding.

Natasha furrows her eyebrows and bites her bottom lip in thought before following suit and settling down onto the bed next to Maria. Natasha doesn’t reach out to touch her, not wanting the other woman to lash out. She waits until Maria looks at her. Natasha holds eye contact and nods, not denying Maria’s observations and allegations. “I do love him.” She says.

It takes everything in Maria not to roll her eyes. She looks away instead but not without a _scoff_ escaping her lips. “Yeah, you’ve made that very clear.”

“Masha, stop. Look at me.” When minutes pass and Maria refuses to do so the redhead moves to straddle the taller woman despite her better judgment; her thighs loosely pressed against either side of the agent’s legs, not wanting her to feel trapped.

Natasha tucks a strand of Maria’s hair behind her ear before wrapping her arms around her neck. She kisses the brunette behind her ear. _“Mia, please.”_ She says it so softly that Maria almost thought she’d imagined it. Natasha kisses her neck, her jaw, her check, her lips. Only stopping when she got a response; Maria squeezing her waist and pulling her body impossibly closer. Natasha moves back just enough to look into her eyes which she now noticed were glossy with unshed tears.

“I won’t lie to you. I do love him.” She repeats. “But I love you too.” Natasha kisses her again. “Do you remember when we first met?”

Maria smirks. “How could I forget? You tried to seduce me.”

“I _did_ seduce you.” Natasha smirks back. “I gave you one of my fake names.”

“Natalie.”

“Natalie.” Natasha smiles. Natalie was one of her favorite covers. “Around the third round you called me Natasha. You knew who I was; what I was capable of, and still trusted me not to snap your neck with my thighs when you went down on me after your little slip up.”

Maria hums in acknowledgement. “You bugged my phone while I was taking a shower and when I asked you said yes and that you wouldn’t lie to me because you didn’t have a reason to.”

“You called your team and told them to stand down and that you could handle it from here. And then you let me go and told them I escaped.”

Maria laughs at that. “I used that excuse more than once.”

“You used it for almost a year, Masha. But one day you stopped showing up. I figured it was because we got caught. You always made it back alive with no marks or bruises. I knew Fury had caught on. I looked for you everywhere. I broke into headquarters a few times and used my resources to find other SHIELD locations. I was convinced that I was crazy. I even questioned if you were KGB for a moment, that maybe they used you to toy with me. Fury kept sending agents after me, corrupt ones that he knew were Hydra of course, but I killed them anyway as if they weren’t. Finally he sent Clint. He told me that I wasn’t crazy and that you were real. I told him if he was lying I’d kill him and he made some stupid joke that I can never remember. The deal was that I had to turn myself into SHIELD and I would get to see you. And that’s exactly what I did. Three Hundred and Ninety Eight days after I’d last seen you, I saw you again and I felt like everything was right in the world.”

Maria nods, not wanting to interrupt whatever point Natasha is trying to make.

“The pain I felt being away from you for that long is why I left with Steve. If I could prevent anyone from feeling as miserable as I did then I would do whatever it takes. Unfortunately, we weren’t good enough and the universe is suffering because of our failure. I know you loved Nick and I did too. He was the closest thing I had to a parent. He always looked out for me. I lost Wanda, Sam, Bucky, and so many others that I had grown to love. Something that I never thought I would be capable of. I lost the only family I’ve ever known.”

“I don’t blame you for his death. I shouldn’t have said that and I’m sorry.”

Natasha accepts the apology but shrugs it off. “The love I have for you is very different than the love I have for Steve. I’m not in love with him; he’s my friend, my partner. I trust him with my life. But you,” Natasha places both of her hands on either side of Maria’s face, “you mean everything to me; you are everything to me. I am in love with you, Maria Hill.”

“I’m in love with you too, Natalia Romanova.”

Natasha attacks her face with kisses until Maria pushes her off. “Okay, okay.” She says. “Let's go back to sleep, alright?"

"By sleep do you mean," Natasha wiggles her eyebrows causing Maria to laugh.

"That is exactly what I mean, yes. Take your shirt off."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still new to this. Criticism is welcome but please don't bully me in the comment section.


End file.
